


My Mind's a Mess but Baby My Heart Still Needs You

by xBreeButterflyx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Mental Health Issues, Personality Disorder, Relationship Problems, Supportive Magnus Bane, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 09:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19315387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBreeButterflyx/pseuds/xBreeButterflyx
Summary: Magnus and Alec's marriage has been falling apart for awhile now. Alec is unsure why he can't just seem to be happy despite the happy life he has. Magnus takes him to find out.





	My Mind's a Mess but Baby My Heart Still Needs You

His marriage had been falling to pieces for quite awhile now.

 

Alec had no idea why any of it was happening either. Why he couldn't just be _happy_ with what they had. It wasn't like they had a bad life. They had their ups and downs, but overall, logically, their lives were relatively comfortable. Illogically? The downs in their relationship felt more devastating to him than they probably actuallly were. He _knew_ this. On some logical mindset. So why did he still act this way? Why did he feel like every single little let down or set back was a blow to his very soul?

 

Magnus was the very best thing that had ever happened to him. He loved him with everything he had in his heart and soul. He knew that if his mind would let him, he could be very happy in his marriage to this glorious man. But it wouldn't. It just kept trying to self-sabotage everything he'd worked so hard to gain and to keep. Why? Why did his mind no longer work in tandem with his heart? Why were they at constant war with one another? Why couldn't they just let him be happy for fuck's sake? 

 

That's what Magnus wanted to find out. He'd insisted on dragging his reluctant husband down to this homey little clinic. Alec didn't want to really go. He wasn't crazy. He knew he wasn't crazy. Why did he need to go see a shrink? But he'd agreed to go for the simple fact that Magnus wouldn't stop pushing him to visit and get an evaluation done. If it wasn't for the more personal and less crowded feel of the environment, Alec probably would've booked it out the bathroom window a long time ago.

 

But he didn't. He only sat next to Magnus in one of the plushy little chairs in the waiting room and waited quietly for the shrink to come retrieve him for his evaluation.

 

"Are you okay, darling?" Magnus whispered, gently placing a supportive hand upon his husband's shoulder.

 

The shadowhunter shook his head. "I don't want to be here. Why can't there be any shadowhunter mental health clinics around?" He muttered.

 

That response earned him an eyeroll. "Because your perfectly-crafted breatheren don't believe in such trivial things as mental illnesses," Magnus huffed.

 

Alec refrained from comment. It wasn't that he didn't believe in mental illness, it was just that he was growing increasingly uncomfortable by his voice being the only one echoing throughout the entire room when he spoke. They continued to wait another ten minutes before the shrink finally exited her office.

 

The shrink was a dark-haired, olive-skinned woman that appeared to be somewhere in her mid-thirties. She had her hair tied up into a slicked-back ponytail on her head and she was dressed to the nines in a navy pansuit.

 

"Alexander Lightwood-Bane?" She requested, voice sickly-sweet like a delicious glop of honey.

 

That was his cue. Upon his name-call, he stood from his seat and followed the lady back into her office, the door shutting behind them both sounding like the boom of a canon. Doomsday.

 

~~~

 

Magnus sat semi-impatiently in his seat as he waited for his husband and the therapist to emerge from the office once again. His nose was buried in some random magazine that had been resting upon one of the coffee tables, but his attention was currently elsewhere. Like, for example, why his husband was still back there in that room. He was nearly half an hour late at this point. On the schedule, Magnus had been fairly certain they'd said it would only last an hour at the most.

 

The warlock would soon find out what had been holding his lovely hunter up for so long.

 

A slam of a door back in the hall where the offices were contained echoed throughout the building, followed by a female's voice.

 

"Alec, wait!" The voice of the therapist cried out from around the corner.

 

Suddenly, Alec whirled around the corner, making a swift beeline out of that office as if his very life was dependent upon his success. The therapist tried to keep up with her client, but was ultimately no match to Alec's ridiculously long legs.

 

Alexander appeared to be... Very angry. His face burned of a white-hot uncontainable rage that could barely be controlled. His fists were clenched at his sides as he swept past a bewlidered Magnus, only uttering a single sentence before bursting through the front doors and out into the heat of the day.

 

"This place is a joke."

 

Magnus was in too much of a shock at the scene to react to his words as he stood frozen in place; watching the events unfold before his eyes like a train wreck he was helpless to put a stop to. The therapist panted a little as she skid to a stop at the front doors of the clinic. Magnus leapt up from his seat and approached her.

 

"What in the world did you say to him?" He gaped.

 

The therapist only shook her head as she tried to concentrate more on the conversation before her and less on the boy that just ran out of the building.

 

"Are you the husband?" She asked. "We only have the husband listed on approval for release of information."

 

He nodded, and proceeded to provide her with his ID to prove so. She let out a shaky breath as she took a seat nearby.

 

"I gave him his diagnosis. He was... Less than happy about it. As you can see," she explained.

 

The warlock hummed, urging for the woman to continue on.

 

"The condition he has... It's uncurable. Not even medications can work long-term. Only therapy can make a difference. Your husband has a personality disorder."

 

That single word. 'uncurable'. It shook even Magnus to his very core. He couldn't imagine what it had to be like for his husband to receive such devasting news about his own illness.

 

Magnus had to sit down to process the information for a moment. And after awhile, he came to one simple conclusion. While this wasn't ideal, this was what it was. This was who his husband was. And he loved him with every fiber of his being. Coming here had been the right decision. Even if it meant hearing something neither man wanted to hear, at least they finally could get to the root of the issues within their relationship. And hopefully start the long, exhausting (but ultimately rewarding) process of repairing their marriage.

 

He was in this for the long haul. 'Till death do them part. Always.

**Author's Note:**

> This was basically just me trying to vent my feelings about my recent discovery of my own personality disorder out through my favorite ship. I also felt like back on that balcony scene in season 2 the show writers didn't do a good enough job handling the topic of mental illness and the possibility of Alec having dealing with one. So hopefully it was worth a shit. Thanks for reading.


End file.
